Wednesday, October 21, 2015

The biggest confession session of my life.

I haven't been able to sink my teeth into this blog for a while now. It didn't feel genuine writing about my life in a place covered in unicorns and Justin Bieber icons. When I was living that single college life it fit me perfectly, but now? Not so much. I finally accepted the fact that 90% of my posts were about my kids and I had officially reached "mommy blogger" status. But I'm not like other moms, I'm a cool mom. So I'm calling it quits over here and moving on to grown up things. 

Is it dumb to say it's been a big and scary decision? Because it has been, especially since I decided to change blogging platforms (whaddup, WordPress). As much as I want to say "followers don't matter, blah blah blah." it took a long time to get you guys here (we're talking six years and a ridiculous amount of YouTube videos) and I feel like we're friends. So I'm taking the plunge and leaving blogspot and half&half and I really, really hope you follow me over.

Mother, She Wrote isn't some weird attempt to reinvent or rebrand myself, I just needed a fresh start. While I can't promise you cutesy icons, I can promise you lots of baby pictures and possibly some more Biebsy-centered posts (because, you guys, I think he's BACK). And I can 100% promise I won't let my new blog shrivel and die like I did this one.

If you don't feel like making the change for me, do it for the kids.
Ezra's thighs need to be appreciated on every social media outlet.
Well, I guess this is it. 
The end of an era.
See you later.
Maybe? If you want.
Or not. Whatever.  

This is so awkward and weird and real
and I just don't know what do to with my hands 
so I'll give you a virtual Voldemort hug and call it good.

Friday, September 4, 2015

Mental snapshot.

Yesterday we had the target ultrasound for our sweet little boy. A target ultrasound is where they really focus on looking at his development. They check his spine, heart, brain and fluids to make sure everything is progressing the way it should. Everything looks great and from the 3D ultrasound we got, he looks like a perfect mix of Jude and Ezra. Oh, and he yawned. He yawned and it was the cutest thing in the world.

We took Jude and Ezra and made a day of it. I'm sure people thought we were crazy when they saw a pregnant lady holding hands with a 1.5 year old followed by a dad holding a nine month old. In fact, I know they thought we were crazy. When our tech asked which pregnancy this was and I told her my third she said, "Oh! Oh, so...they're both yours." Her eyes got reeeal wide when I told her their birth dates and she realized all three are December babies born one year after another.

Before I got up on the exam chair, I settled Jude in her seat next to Cory and Ezra. I told Cory her tablet was in my bag in case she needed some technical sedation. Before I was able to hop onto the chair, Jude started climbing off hers saying, "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?" She crawled onto the chair next to mine and rested her head on my chest for nearly the entire ultrasound, like she was protecting me. When we saw his face on the screen she perked up and said, "Baby!" I showed her his eyes, nose, mouth, arms and legs and she repeated after me and pointed to those parts on her. She kept saying "Mommy baby belly." A few times during the ultrasound she turned to face me and gave me lovey eyes, smiled and patted my chest. It's like she was making sure I was okay and letting me know she was really happy.

Not to be outdone by his big sister, Ezra reminded us he was there too with his squawks. Ezra's squawks cannot be ignored. He does them when he's happy and he does them when he's mad. The only way you can tell the difference is by looking at his face. He had the biggest, goofiest smile and shook his arms and legs so we knew he was happy. It's equal parts adorable and ridiculous and there is literally nothing we can do to stop it. He doesn't offer any warning prior and by the time you realize what's happening you're deaf in one ear. It wasn't the most relaxing ultrasound I've had, but it was my favorite. I loved that plans fell through and we "had" to bring our babies along. I love how well-behaved they were. I love that they got to see their baby brother. I love how they turn the simplest moments into the sweetest memories.

I was so worried after we had Jude that I wouldn't be able to love another child as much as I loved her. But with each pregnancy, I find that my heart grows along with my belly. Parenthood is such a beautiful thing. I've never been in a situation where I have to figure everything out as I go. I surprise myself with the things I swore I would never do that I'm doing (re: a baby tablet) and the things I thought I'd do that I'm not. Raising these children is the most wonderful and noble thing I will ever do with my life. I am so grateful to Cory for choosing this life with me. For not shying away from this baby army we're building and for jumping in with all his heart every time I get two pink lines on a pregnancy test. Heaven knows I couldn't do this without him. Especially when we have back-to-back days of poopy bathwater and crusted oatmeal hair.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Writing about August in September with pictures from July.

It always feels like I have so much to say until I actually sit down to write. So here we go. Shooting the breeze with some pictures from the Fourth of July. Because that's just how we do over here.
Ezra has been crawling for about a month now. Two weeks ago he decided he was ready to start pulling himself up onto things. Now he's pulling himself up to standing and kind of walking along furniture. It's all happening so fast I feel like I don't have a time to soak it in. It took him longer to start crawling than it did Jude, but once he got that down, he had an "okay, what's next?" attitude. What a little champ.

His bottom two teeth are the only "real" teeth he has right now but he's got some little vampire fangs slowly working their way out. When it comes to eating, Ez is basically a hoover. He has to have at least two containers or pouches of baby food along with some solid food to be content. He has these legitimate fits of rage when he sees other people (especially Jude) eating and he's not. You might think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. He's a redhead. The rage is real. Other than his hanger fits, he is the calmest, chillest baby I have ever met. He's happy to be held, to sit on the floor, to play with others or play by himself. I pray his demeanor stays this way, because I know having him be my calm is the only way I can handle three babies under two. Oh, did I mention he's a total momma's boy? Because he is. And it's the beeeeest.
^^^Not the most glamorous shot, but definitely the most accurate picture of my life on boogie patrol.^^^

Jude's vocabulary grows every single day. She's been forming longer sentences and making connections all over the place. Some of my favorite phrases include.
"Love you so much." 
"I got you, mommy!"
"Oh no, what happened?!"
"Oh goodness."
"Daddy wooking?"
"I yike it!"
"Happy day to you!"
"Rah! Rah! Rah! Goooo Coo-goos!" 
It's amazing to see her repeat a word or phrase right after I say it. When she was younger I would say things over and over for her to repeat them and now it's like she doesn't even have to think about it. Every morning she wakes up and asks if daddy is working. When we're playing downstairs or driving in the car, she will suddenly start singing "I Love to See the Temple." When I look over, she's touching her two pointer fingers together making a steeple while she sways back and forth singing, "Teeeemplleee. Gooooing. Teeeemple. I gooooing." It makes me emotional every. single. time. because babies and small children are so sensitive to the spirit and they understand so much more than we give them credit for. 

I'm afraid the closer we get to two, the sassier she gets. We've officially reached the, "Stop it!" "Hey! No." "No share." phase of toddlerhood. Yaaaayyy... I keep thinking/hoping/praying it will get better, but mine and Cory's mom's just laugh and say this is only the beginning. Double yaaay. Luckily she doesn't throw fits often and she gets over them quickly. I  really lucked out in the great babies department. 

Other notable updates no one will care about because they're not baby related:

Cory and I celebrated our three year anniversary on August 9. It's crazy to think it's "only" been three years because I feel like I've known and loved and been with him for so much longer. We've packed a lot of living and growing and babies in three years, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I turned 26 on August 26. Cory was on a business trip and the kids and I were at my parents. Jude and Ezra helped me eat my cake and Bachelor in Paradise was extra dramatic. It's like ABC knew it was my birthday.

And finally, I close with these pictures because they're hilarious and SO accurate of Jude and Ezra in July. She'd go from perfect hair and smiles to messy hair and a death glare in less than a second. And sweet little Ezra just didn't care about fireworks or anything non-food or snuggle related.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Another dip on that roller coaster of feeeeeeelings.

This pregnancy has undoubtedly been my most emotionally stable one. I rarely find myself crying because clothes don't fit or I'm scared to bring a(nother) baby home. Pregnancy and its emotions have become my norm. And if we're being completely honest, I'm more worried about how I'm going to handle not being pregnant for a while. Feeling so grounded and confident has been such a blessing this go-around, but it also makes days like today really, really hard.

I just want to sit and cry all day long.
I have to eat but nothing sounds good.
The jeans I ordered are a size too small.
My other jeans ripped because I was constantly pulling them up because they were a size too big.
Leggings are too hot.
Ezra just went down for a nap and Jude hasn't taken one yet.
The internet is being crazy slow so I can't watch ANTM.
Pregnancy dreams are so vivid and real and awful.
I want to go out, but sometimes the thought of going out with both kids is more overwhelming than the actual act.

It's a weird mixture of feeling nothing and feeling everything and not knowing how to explain it because you really can't grasp it unless you've felt it. Nothing is technically wrong, but my heart hurts. It's aching, really. And I don't know how to fix it because tomorrow I'll wake up and my heart won't be heavy and my mind won't feel sad. Everything will be okay. And that's what makes these tears so frustrating. Because if nothing's wrong and nothing hurts and nothing's broken, why do I feel so small?

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Ezra had an early nap, so Jude and I snuck into the backyard for a few hours. She played in the pool, kicked the soccer ball around, threw some rocks and even picked up an ant (because apparently she loves bugs now...?).  Homegurl only stopped for some blackberries, Mama Angel's wheat bread and some snuggles(!). Do you have any idea how special I feel to be ranked above the pool or soccer? Do you?!! 

She even shared her blackberries with me. When Jude turns to you with one of her favorite foods and asks, "some?" before shoving said food in your mouth, you're in. I mean, I'm her mom, so I was a shoo-in for the best friend spot, but stttiiiilll! It's kind of cool to know your kids like being with you as much as you like being with them. 

I'm not going back on what I said about fall, but summer with this girl* has been the bee's knees. 

*and Ezra, obviously, but he's only eight months so he just does baby things like rolling or crawling or drooling or laughing. So still fun, just a different fun. Just wait until next year when he's her age and she's two and a half. Oh the havoc that will be wreaked!